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When you've gone through years of emaciation and withered away losing
your stamina and strength, you need to learn some tricks to get
through the day, or give up being out and about entirely. In my
case, having a history of figuring things out, the die was cast.
You don't have the energy to stand in a room when there are no
seats available? Rather than complain about it and making others
annoyed at you, or settle to the floor and not be able to easily get
back up in front of others, try this: I learned to stand a foot or
two from a wall and lean back against it to support my weight and
keep me upright. To stop the knees from folding forward and dropping
me to the floor, I used one leg to rest on top of the knee cap of the
other leg to keep it straight and supportive. It looks like you're
just casually leaning against the wall, but in reality you're wedged
there with gravity holding you in place. All you now have to do is
expend energy keeping your head held up, much easier than the whole
body. If you don't like your arms dangling at your side, fold them
and let the friction of your sleeves and interlocking of your bones
keep them in place there. After a while your supporting leg might
begin to hurt and then you carefully lift the crossed leg off from on
top and make that your supporting leg and now cross your old
supporting leg over the knee cap of your new supporting leg.
Having problems with your inner ear as you stand or walk?
When I first started having balance problems I had to find a new way
of 'feeling' that I was in a vertical position. I began to realize
the sensation at the ankle joint when bent forward or leaned back;
there's a compression of the tissues in front of the ankle and a
stretch from behind and vice versa. Focus in on that sensation when
standing upright and feel the difference as you lean forward with
something to support you and lean back against a wall. There's a
difference of sensation in your ankles between those three positions,
get used to paying attention to them and then, as you walk, focus on
how the tissues around the ankles feel as you are upright, standing
and even as you are walking on a level surface. I found by focusing
on this, I was able to get by without my inner ear to help me for
years at a time. The problem with this technique is that it only
works well on level surfaces and, with some practice, slightly tilted
surfaces, but walking up steeper paths or ramps can still be a
problem. In the case of a ramp, there should be a hand rail to help.
When just a steep path, I would find myself an alternate route even
if it mean walking significantly further.
Wobbling too much as you walk down a hallway, leaving people to
wonder if you're drunk? Use your fingertip and run it along the
wall as you walk. It looks like you're casually keeping your finger
busy in a playful way, but in reality it gives you feedback as you
move letting you know if you're getting closer to the wall or further
as you go. By stiffening your finger, wrist and arm, it becomes a
steadying pole as all you need to now worry about is just placing one
foot in front of the other and keeping an eye out for your
destination.
Not confident of climbing or descending a wide staircase, but
don't want to visibly cling to the hand railing at the side either?
Still walk up and down those stairs at the side with the handrail,
but simply don't grasp it if you can. Just keep you hand out and
ready to grab it should you feel a sudden unsteadiness. But if you
need to touch it for psychological comfort, use the tip of the finger
trick, running it along the railing as you go, giving you that
playful 'not a care in the world' look while still giving you a
physical sense of support.
The other tricks will come pretty naturally to you as you need
them. Having problems standing up from a chair? Always
make sure to sit at chairs with arms and then use your hands as well
as your legs as you stand. Having problems talking? Use more
nodding or shaking of the head to communicate simple answers. Having
problems writing by hand? You know this trick: Type instead, if
you can. As I said, these are the more common tricks and you might
just fall into using them when you need to without even realizing it.
I found I could do others tricks as well, though I didn't mean
to. Suzi of the writer's group: Her young daughter had a
phase where she liked to startle people just to see them jump. But I
was a mystery to her, no matter how many times she tried to startle
me, I'd just turn to her and just say, ''Oh, Hi.'' It took me a bit
to realize that my ability to get that adrenal kick of being
surprised had long since gone and nothing could startle me or make me
jump anymore, but I didn't tell her that was how I did the trick, she
just assumed I somehow always knew she was there.
Gone too, was my stuttering. Being a habitual stutterer where it's a
learned habit maintained by the back of the brain, by Nineteen
Ninety, my brain was no longer up to par and one of the side effects
was the back of my mind no longer had the resources to ensure I
stuttered when I talked. Again, people mistook my lack of stuttering
as ''a good sign'', that I was ''finally growing out of it.''
When making my two-day trips to Denver to pickup my three month
supply of fat enzymes, I'd have spare time to fill beyond my
appointment with Premier Medical Center and visited my old start up
software company friend and his family. As the national bus line
terminal was in the heart of the city, I'd taken up visiting the
downtown Denver area and learning its layout and little concrete
parks to sit at for a bit and watch life go by. But for one of these
journeys, I decided to play my old trick of seeing my hospital
records; I was interested if there was anything behind the scenes I
should know about. On this trip I went to my appointment to collect
the fat enzymes on my first day in Denver, the next morning I
returned to Premier Medical Center and went to their records
department.
I had checked with my previous visit that they charged for a copy of
your medical file, even for your first one -- meanies
-- but they did allow you to review your file for free, if you
wished. You just had to make an appointment ahead of time as they
only had a few review desks available at any time during the
day. After I made my appointment to see the doctor, I had then
called and made the subsequent day's appointment to review my file.
As I arrived on that second day, I checked in at the records office.
They confirmed I had an appointment and then they went to get my
file. It wasn't there.
They told me it had been checked out and gave me the name of the
doctor who had checked it out. I didn't recognize the name so they
showed me the sign-out sheet of my file in case the attendant had
mispronounced the name...
What caught my attention wasn't the fact that I didn't recognize the
name of the current person with my file, but the fact that the
multiple page ''sign-out sheet'' was filled with at least twenty-five
names and dates of people who had signed-out my file. Only a handful
of them were the dates I had been to the medical center and had the
names of the few doctors I had ever seen there. The vast majority
were of people I had never heard of and showed dates I had never been
near the place. When I asked the attendant about all those people
who had been checking out my file, she was surprised I didn't know
those names either, Was I sure they weren't involved with my
health care? Not that I knew of or had heard about. She said
that was unusual as medical files should only be checked out by
people working on someone's healthcare. Either way the upshot
was, since my file was checked out, I couldn't see it that day.
I pointed out that I had a scheduled appointment to have seen it and
asked why it hadn't been reserved for me. She returned that it was
always deemed that if medical personnel wanted to see a file, they
always had priority. Was I sure I didn't have an appointment to
see the doctor who currently had it signed out today? I was.
I asked if we could contact him and see why he had my file and when
he might return it? She noted that the sign-out sheets didn't
include contact information, but I could come back the following day
and surely the file would be back by then. Was I sure this guy
wasn't my doctor? She again asked, not being able to fathom that
people not involved with my care would have my file.
I was sure, I told her, as well as the fact that I was from
out of town and couldn't come back the next day. Oh well,
she concluded, I could just make an appointment with them the next
time I was back in town... And would my file be available for
that appointment? I asked rhetorically.
On the national bus ride back, my mind raced with what it meant that
so many people had been checking out my file at Premier Medical
Center. Were they people behind the scenes who were looking into my
health history and trying to help me? Or were they looky-loos who
had heard about me via the medical grapevine and just had to have a
look for themselves? Or could it simply be a case of medical
students at the hospital checking out records at random to review as
part of their studies?
I never found out, nor did I ever get a chance to see my
file, there.
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