77
'Jude's office was at the back of a large nineteenth century mansion
which had been subdivided into professional offices of all sorts in
the twentieth century. Given the size and number of professionals
there, they had a receptionist who greeted me as I came in and asked
who I was there to see. She then asked me to take a seat in the
living room turned waiting room and called Jude's extension. For the
first visit, he actually came to greet me at the waiting room as the
trip to his office was through a bit of a maze of odd hallways on the
second floor. Once there he let me pick from a variety of seats and
then settled down in one across from me. There was some initial
paperwork for me to fill out, mostly contact information and
insurance numbers, and he spent the moment starting his own file on
me. Once all the obligatory bits were done, he wanted to confirm who
I was, it turned out he already knew of me but just wanted to
make sure I was the same person.
He told me right up front that he had heard about me through the
medical grape vine and had in part accepted me as a potential
patient on the basis that he was curious about what he had heard. He
also knew my mother's primary care physician who had first treated me
and wanted me to know that, as well. Would that be a problem?
If asked even six months earlier, I would have said ''Yes'' and left
to find another counselor. But given that I had already called
everyone else, I decided to give him a chance as long as he agreed
that our sessions would be confidential and he wouldn't be
reporting them to the 'grapevine'. He assured me they would be
private... Given my past experiences that didn't mean much,
but as I said, I had already called everybody else.
He then let me know he was a 'psychiatrist', not a 'psychologist' and
asked me if I knew the difference. I told him I didn't and he
explained that 'psychologists' study the mind and try to help primarily
with talk therapy, while 'psychiatrist' are trained medical doctors
who subsequently specialized in psychological issues and treatments.
As such, he could write prescriptions and order medical tests,
whereas psychologists couldn't. Given what he had heard about me on
the grapevine one of the things he'd like to do is order some tests
for me once we established a rapport. I agreed and my hopes even
raised a bit as I started to wonder if these tests would include
looking into my weight loss and bathroom bout issues, though I didn't
express that hope to him. Instead waiting for that 'rapport'
stage to develop.
So, in my own words, he wanted to know why I was seeking help from
him. I told him of my many issues getting my health concerns
addressed by doctors, how they didn't take me seriously or worse
made-up stories about me to explain why I shouldn't be taken
seriously. I even mentioned the bizarre time when the Premier
Medical Center's gastroenterologist had refused to treat me for my
fat malabsorption problem that he himself had diagnosed until I
''tested positive for AIDS.'' Then I further went to mention how my
mother's primary doctor had been ordering test for me, then
discarding the actual test results to instead imagine the results
he had wanted and put them into narrative notes in his and the
hospital's records. As our time was coming to a close, Jude felt he
had a handle on what my issues were and as I'd told him of my medical
records copies, he asked if I could bring them in for him to review
at our next appointment. I agreed and a follow-up was schedule in
two weeks.
For the second appointment I was to check in with the receptionist
and then make my own way to Jude's office. There was a chair at the
end of the hallway if needed for waiting patients, but as I arrived,
his door was open to let me know I could come straight in. He told
me he had a surprise for me later in the session but first wanted to
start by looking over the medical records, comparing the actual test
result pages with the doctor's narrative notes. He told me that what
was likely happening was that I was getting confused by how the
results in the narrative notes were being recorded and he'd be able
to show me how. But after reviewing the doctor's notes versus the
various test results he, himself, was at a loss as to what my
mother's primary doctor had been thinking.
Unable to explain the factual gaps between the records, he decided to
put it aside and then told me he had gotten the direct phone number
to Premier Medical Center's gastroenterology wing and had asked to
make a call to my original doctor there during our appointment time.
In this way I would be able to see that my suspicions of being bad
mouthed behind my back were unfounded and that I had imagined that to
explain my issue of not accepting medical doctors' advice. He made
the call using his speaker phone and asked me to be quiet as he
wasn't going to tell the doctor I was listening in, thus ensuring a
candid conversation. The call connected and he talked with
the hospital wing's nurse who put him on hold while we waited for the
gastroenterologist to pick up the line after his current patient was
done. When he did, Jude introduced himself and noted that he was
starting to see me and wanted to find out about my medical history
with him.
The doctor responded by making several personal disparaging remarks
including that I was a 'faker' of health issues who couldn't be
trusted given my ''history of self mutilation.'' Jude was stunned
and glanced at me after hearing that bit and I just shrugged my
shoulders and Jude responded by asking ''What history of self
mutilation?'' The doctor didn't know of any details, he had just
'heard about it,' but clearly, in his mind, anyone with
double pierced ears was into self mutilation. Jude bit back that
he didn't think that was the case, and regardless a patient's
medical concerns should be addressed professionally even if they
did have self mutilation issues. The doctor disagreed laughing back
that if there was any suspicion of mental health issues then it was a
waste of time to look into any medical concerns as there was no way
the patient's word could be trusted for diagnostic purposes. Jude
strongly disagreed, the doctor returned that clearly Jude didn't have
that much experience if that was what he thought. The call was ended
with Jude asking the doctor to reconsider and the doctor noting he
had 'legitimate' patients waiting.
Jude was shaken, he eyes betraying a touch of fear. ''Have you ever
had a history of self mutilation?'' he asked, hoping to find some
kernel of truth to comfort him after this call. I told him I didn't
and even offered to let him look over my body for any such scars if
he wanted. He didn't feel he needed to.
While the call had been meant to show me how my suspicions
were unfounded, it was Jude's own belief in the
professionalism of the medical community that was shaken.
I had found myself an ally.
No comments:
Post a Comment