Tested

57

For three months, from July through September, Nineteen Eighty-Eight, the unemployment benefits were a welcomed relief that sustained me and kept me afloat but they were coming to an end and I was once again facing the financial void, though with a fresh lump of savings socked away. My final attempt to seek a doctor to address my weight loss had been yet another heart rending experience and I desired to no longer try.

As a well timed turn, I received notice that my Social Security Disability appeal hearing had been scheduled and while I was once again reminded that I could contact Legal Aid for a free attorney, after my experiences with them earlier in the year I didn't see the point. Further, appealing on my own for the unemployment benefits had been successful so I had a better track record, in my eyes, than Legal Aid did. I went to the defined hearing location at the county office's land use bureau, of all places, with copies of my medical tests and hospital records in hand. But after I figured out where to wait and who to check in with, I was told that the hearing judge couldn't make that day and would have to reschedule. So I was once again on my way home wondering when I'd hear about the rescheduled hearing.

And the wheels of life kept turning.

Despite the unpleasantness in my health and family life, I had been successfully burying myself in my writing for The Doctor Who Report as well as for the Quarterly and the local science fiction club's monthly two sheet newsletter. I had even been inspired by a new show on television earlier in the year to start writing for them... Though not necessarily as one might expect. Many of their early shows didn't quite succeed in stirring the blood and after a half season of this I realized, ''I could write better shows than these!'' As the years have gone on, I've found this to be my best motivator. Show me a show I like and I have nothing to give; show me a show that I don't like and I suddenly feel I can do it better! As a result the idea machine in my head started cranking out story ideas for this show and I started writing a Doctor Who crossover to make sure I had a feel for their characters and to also help increase my cushion of completed stories waiting for their turn in TDWR.

On one of the Saturdays my mother worked, I asked Daina to come over and we discussed and roughly planned out the coming Quarterly. Once that was done we discussed our lives... Well, actually, I should say I said very little about my life, but Daina was in a mood to talk about hers. She was a special education teacher and Fall was one of her crunch times as she had to establish course curricula for her existing students as well as review, evaluate and place newly arriving special education students who had moved into her school's boundaries. That included ordering & reviewing the student's previous school transcript, touching base with the previous school's special education point of contact to clarify any issues or questions that might have come up, do some minor testing checkpoints of her own to verify the student's level, if not order a whole new battery of tests if she was unsatisfied. Then she would digest all of this and find how to tuck each student into the existing programs at her Elementary School, seeking that balance of in class participation and more focused pull out sessions with herself.

When I asked her about what 'ordering a full battery' meant, she explained that she could do various subject matter tests and checks herself but when dealing with a special eduction student one might need a larger overview and thus she would ask one of the school district's psychologists to do a review including personality as well as I.Q. testing to gauge how much of a student's performance was due to self limiting versus cognitive capabilities. She'd review the I.Q. findings and use it as part of tailoring her individualized program for the student. In the case of personality issues the psychologist would conclude whether the student needed to join a social skills group or needed direct counseling.

''So you have experience reviewing I.Q. results?'' I confirmed. Yes, she did. So I asked her to wait a moment and went through my files in my bedroom until I found my own elementary school results and took them to her for her thoughts of what they meant.

She looked at the results page and was quiet for a long time and my stomach twisted as I realized I must have misinterpreted being above one hundred as a good sign and I had just handed Daina proof that I was an idiot. Finally, she broke her silence and looked up at me with wide eyes and said, ''You could be in Mensa!''

''What's men-sah?'' I asked back. It turned out it was an organization for the highest two percent of I.Q. scoring people in the world. According to Daina, I was in the highest one percent which meant I had a higher intelligence quotient than ninety-nine percent of everyone else in the world. I snorted disbelievingly as she continued that she had tried to get into Mensa herself but was just on the edge and hadn't qualified on their acceptance exam, yet.

This seemed all very farfetched to me and I gave her an incredulous smile back. ''No, really! Really!'' she repeated, trying to get me to believe. ''So they put you in Gifted & Talented programs in school?'' she asked.

''Gifted & Talented?''

She explained they were special programs that schools offered to their best and brightest to help them grow and keep them engaged beyond the typical school offerings. Was I sure I wasn't in any such programs?

Very. While I didn't mention that the high school counselor had refused to help me determine my college options because of his belief of my having a low I.Q., I did mention how I was often aimed toward the less challenging courses, presumably because of my stuttering. Then I did recall the pull out sessions I had been assigned to in fourth grade, where we were to spend forty-five minutes twice a week playing the children's version of Scrabble with the words preprinted in the squares.

Daina was horrified and quickly brewing to livid. Asking me to repeat that, which I did with more detail, though ultimately there wasn't much more to it. Daina paced the living room, covering her gaping mouth with her hand. This was when I remembered the time when the head of the high school's math department, Zack Hatch, had asked me to stay after class left to tell me of how the school system had been screwing me over the years and that I needed to talk to my father and get a lawyer. At the time, as I was then nearing the end of my most successful year of school, I couldn't imagine screwing that up in the year to come by suing them. Further, I couldn't tell Zack that I had the type of father that wouldn't be interested, anyhow.

But now with Daina's reaction it was finally starting to sink in what it actually was Zack had meant and how badly mishandled I'd been by the school system. Daina was now effectively having the emotional reaction I should have been having, then and since.

Daina slumped back down into a living room chair and looked back at me with tears touching her eyes. She didn't have anything left to say and I couldn't imagine what I could say either. Then I decided to make a joke of it saying that I had probably scored that high by accident.

But it wasn't a joke to her as she explained that it was very hard to score highly by chance, if not impossible. If anything, one could score lower than their actual I.Q. if they were having a bad day during the test or were suffering from some temporary cognitive dysfunction or other health problems.

We sat quietly for a bit, then I realized I needed to get the Quarterly paperwork back into my bedroom and have Daina leave before my mother returned from her work day. Daina asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with her. I passed, saying I had other plans for the evening, but noted that we'd be out to eat together after the coming science fiction club meeting. I didn't want to tell her I couldn't afford it.

A few days later I received the letter rescheduling the Social Security Disability appeal hearing. It was for the following week and this time at the Special Events Center, of all places. When the day came I again left for the hearing with my medical paperwork in hand. Entering at the main doors to the foyer with the ticket windows, I guessed that the ticket girl was acting as the receptionist and went up to the window and asked her about it. She buzzed the door open and told me it was on the second floor. Entering the otherwise vacant facility I made my way up the closest stairs and saw the notice posted on one of the conference room's doors noting that the hearings were in there, but to take a seat out here and wait until called. I did but, unfortunately felt a gurgle, then two.

Oh dear God not now! I thought as I realized I was going to have another one of my painful bowel experiences and closed my eyes hoping for it to go away. There was a bathroom right next to the sitting area and as I had arrived early I hoped I had enough time to get in there and get it out of my system. Did I mention painful?

Exhausted and spent, glazed with perspiration and fighting off the typical post bad bowel movement shakes, I finally got out of the bathroom to find the conference room door had been propped open. Apparently the previous hearing had finished and the door left open for me. I checked the time and I actually had a few more minutes until my scheduled hearing. Grabbing my envelope of records from the sitting area, I peered in through the open door. The judge was sitting at one of the many tables with the recorder clerk in this otherwise empty conference room. He waved me in and I unsteadily traipsed to the table, unsure of which chair I should take. Normally after a bad time in the bathroom I would go to bed and lie down until I recovered my strength, but under the circumstances I didn't have that option. When I reached the table I noticed a chair was pulled out more than the rest and assumed that was where I should sit.

The hearing started without much pomp, just the judge confirming who I was and noting that, since I didn't have a lawyer with me, I could always get one from the local Legal Aid office and we could reschedule. I passed on that option saying I would represent myself. Thus the hearing was underway as he repeated the original Social Security Disability findings that I didn't qualify due to insufficient medical evidence. Did I have some new medical reports which would support my claim?

I didn't, but this was my first time I could finally tell my story of the primary care doctor who had defrauded me, leaving me without any medical conclusions beyond the direct test results and hospital records to support my claim. I pulled out the paperwork and showed how the doctor had systematically wrote one thing in his reports while the actual records showed the opposite. I told of the past year's worth of trying to find a new doctor to seriously address my health concerns, but that had been impossible in part because apparently said primary care doctor had been telling derogatory stories about me to others in the medical community. I noted the times I saw potential new doctors and their telling me they didn't need to look into my health issues because 'they already knew' I didn't have any without explaining how they knew that.

I did provide copies of my allergy records as they were the only thing I had gotten done since providing my first batch of medical records to Social Security. ''And these show that you suffer from debilitating allergies?'' the judge asked as he accepted the paperwork and put it aside to review later.

''Not if I avoid them. No'', I answered.

Was there anything else I had to say? He asked and I didn't beyond summarizing that I hadn't been able to get a doctor to fully look into my health issues and unexplained weight loss and that was why I didn't have any reports to back my claim for benefits. He asked if I was sure I didn't want to postpone this hearing until I found one and I replied that I didn't know how I could find one at this point.

And the hearing was concluded. Starting on my way out, I turned back to him and asked why the previous hearing had been scheduled at the land use office, but this one was at the events center. The Judge explained that he was based in Denver and since they didn't have any dedicated office in town, they just scheduled whatever city owned room was free at the time for the hearings. I thanked him for letting me know and finished leaving the room.

I would find out later that I had successfully convinced him at the hearing that I had no medical reports to support my claim for Social Security Disability...

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